I won't give up on my faith no matter how disapointing some of people claiming your followers are. They are always talking big about You and possess huge amount of knowledge of You, unimaginably deeper than the little I have. They go to church on regular basis, but little they do to transfer the truth of love they are exposed with into real actions. Lord, forgive me, I could be one of them.
I can't resist to adore You. Thousands of generation of people have disapointed You, but you stay true to Your promise to be with us forever. That's more than what we can deserve. We are weak, vulnarable, fragile, and insecure.
Lord, You are also the perfect model of consistence and patience. These are what the world need amid the conflicting interests of each of us.
God. I am not doing churching. Some of your followers might judge me. Thankfully, I don't even care about that.
Remember God, I don't hate Your church and people, Throughout histories it's born witness to Your presence and has been becoming the well for the thirst. I am now in the need of being more intimate with you. Eyes to eyes. Heart to heart. A private relationship with you where nobody can get into.
In this very moment commemorating the promise that had been fulfilled, the subtle and the humble presence of the maker of universe, I pray. Amen.
Wednesday, 26 December 2012
Bitter History
Bitter histories (experiences) are there so that we can learn sth out of it which can bring common good for today's people, not to remind us of the past bitterness nor awake the useless self-satisfiying ego to be a hero and take the charge as a judge; the desire to take a revenge and stand up for the victims of those then dark days. Making peace with them is an important step here, if not, we only fuel them to occur in the now's world but with different actors and reversed roles.
What's next
11 years ago, with valuable help from my niece, I wrote my first English essay on what I want to be when I grow up. This was all about being a good English teacher partly because this was the only subject I excelled at that time.
This dream was made true 1.5 years ago, went well without significant troubles following through on those high school, college years, and now after-college life.
I love it. Being a teacher, for the first time in life, helps me reveal an important understanding that my existence is meaningful for others. This went against my old view; that I am useless, a mere waste of space and resource.
The direct exposure to formal education practices and my simple observation have made the call even louder and clearer that teaching is really my call.
Nonetheless, a further question that often arises recently is, is this formal education the only form of teaching? I am positive, No! It's only one of the types.
Teaching can take many different forms. It's more like water; fluid, flexible, and observable concept, fitting to any containers perfectly yet naturally.
The basic idea of teaching is about helping others and one self to understand lives and their world better and brighter. That's enough of my personal definition.
What is in my mind now? I am quitting my current job as a teacher in formal education. There are some aspects of it that do not go well with my own principles and nature.
I have been struggling hard to bargain, test, and really put my every thought on it and always find some clashing ideas in mind brings me negative emotional influence, which is personally not good in a longer term.
So, the questions stands to what am I going to do? I love writing and somewhat enjoy readings and thinking. Let me begin with these three starters. Let’s see how the story will turn next year.
This dream was made true 1.5 years ago, went well without significant troubles following through on those high school, college years, and now after-college life.
I love it. Being a teacher, for the first time in life, helps me reveal an important understanding that my existence is meaningful for others. This went against my old view; that I am useless, a mere waste of space and resource.
The direct exposure to formal education practices and my simple observation have made the call even louder and clearer that teaching is really my call.
Nonetheless, a further question that often arises recently is, is this formal education the only form of teaching? I am positive, No! It's only one of the types.
Teaching can take many different forms. It's more like water; fluid, flexible, and observable concept, fitting to any containers perfectly yet naturally.
The basic idea of teaching is about helping others and one self to understand lives and their world better and brighter. That's enough of my personal definition.
What is in my mind now? I am quitting my current job as a teacher in formal education. There are some aspects of it that do not go well with my own principles and nature.
I have been struggling hard to bargain, test, and really put my every thought on it and always find some clashing ideas in mind brings me negative emotional influence, which is personally not good in a longer term.
So, the questions stands to what am I going to do? I love writing and somewhat enjoy readings and thinking. Let me begin with these three starters. Let’s see how the story will turn next year.
Role Model
The more intensive I get along with my students and meeting their moms and dads, the better I understand that we spend time immitating/copying, benchmarking, refering, in many senses ,to our role models (can also be parents, here) we look up to. The old adage, 'buah jatuh tak jauh dari pohonya' (like mother or parents like sons or daughters), applies.
Do I look like my mom?
Yes, physically, pelicularly in some parts of body; height, nose, eyes, facial expression and so on. I resemble her, though, the rest, is from Dad. But beyond that, she is partially not my role model. The case is similar with dad.
The way my mom reponds to problems or challenges, no! Although I need to say that I've accepted her imperfections as much as I do with mine. So, I am not saying that my mom is bad. It's simply that I have my own standard. This is to this simple, I would rather shop around and assemble my own action figure.
I believe this technique of growing up is relevant enough to those whose sorrounding is not supportive (tend to be negative) or to those who've lost ideal role models.
Find and observe the sides of people you happen to encounter in your life, and do copy-pastings the parts you like and create the very one you want to be or you are destined to be.
Do I look like my mom?
Yes, physically, pelicularly in some parts of body; height, nose, eyes, facial expression and so on. I resemble her, though, the rest, is from Dad. But beyond that, she is partially not my role model. The case is similar with dad.
The way my mom reponds to problems or challenges, no! Although I need to say that I've accepted her imperfections as much as I do with mine. So, I am not saying that my mom is bad. It's simply that I have my own standard. This is to this simple, I would rather shop around and assemble my own action figure.
I believe this technique of growing up is relevant enough to those whose sorrounding is not supportive (tend to be negative) or to those who've lost ideal role models.
Find and observe the sides of people you happen to encounter in your life, and do copy-pastings the parts you like and create the very one you want to be or you are destined to be.
Thursday, 6 December 2012
(old poem)
Is it too fanciful mom if I wear this waist-high skirt?
Do I look like a princess already?
Mom, I broke up!
I can’t tell you How he attractive is !
I hate him, he is always breaking promises and forgetting my birthday.
Oh my… He does not love me again.
You know what mom, I’ve been mistaken. He always loves me.
I’m always in his heart.
Mom, he intends to, it simply does not work.
Mom, I’m proposed, what a miracle, a dream that comes true.
I can’t believe it, he cheats!...
Mom, what if I end this marriage
Do I look like a princess already?
Mom, I broke up!
I can’t tell you How he attractive is !
I hate him, he is always breaking promises and forgetting my birthday.
Oh my… He does not love me again.
You know what mom, I’ve been mistaken. He always loves me.
I’m always in his heart.
Mom, he intends to, it simply does not work.
Mom, I’m proposed, what a miracle, a dream that comes true.
I can’t believe it, he cheats!...
Mom, what if I end this marriage
Apa kamu?
apa kemampuanmu?
mana kutahu
carilah tau, supaya kau tetap laku!
hah! masih seperti itu?
iya, pada akhirnya memang kesitu
ah, jawabanmu tidak jitu
bukanya hidup segera berlalu?
iya, aku setuju, tapi tetaplah lakukan yang terbaik selalu
jadi terharu, tapi jawabanmu begitu melulu, bosan aku
Tunggu dulu, gendang jantungmu sebentar tak bertalu, masihkah terus begitu?
mana kutahu
carilah tau, supaya kau tetap laku!
hah! masih seperti itu?
iya, pada akhirnya memang kesitu
ah, jawabanmu tidak jitu
bukanya hidup segera berlalu?
iya, aku setuju, tapi tetaplah lakukan yang terbaik selalu
jadi terharu, tapi jawabanmu begitu melulu, bosan aku
Tunggu dulu, gendang jantungmu sebentar tak bertalu, masihkah terus begitu?
Wednesday, 5 December 2012
Sudah...
terengah dan semakin jengah
sudah...sudah...
senja sudah menjajah
untuk apa berkilah
sudah... sudah...
aku segera menyerah
harapan yang dulu terasah
kini hilang tiada arah
sudah...sudah...
jalan sudah terpisah
hati remuk terpanah
menjemput rinduku dengan tanah
sudah...sudah...
tiada guna membagun tanah
agar kelak bisa bermegah
sudah...sudah...
lama sudah aku berserah
namun berkah tak tercurah
sudah...sudah...
biarkan mereka sajalah
yang berkerah dibalut jubah
tiada salah
dan yang telah tersumpah
sudah...sudah...
hai kaum lemah
berhentilah menandah
kita tak lebih dari sampah
sudah...sudah...
meski aku rajin beribadah
toh aku juga masih berzinah
dan menyebar amarah
sudah...sudah...
aku segera kalah
jaman sudah bertingkah
menatapku dengan mata penuh darah
jijik melihat nanah
disetiap langkah
Bunga
Bunga palsu
Bunga yang selalu hijau
Tak usang dimakan waktu
Hiasan dunia yang parau
Bunga asli
Bunga yang akan segera layu
Seakan waktu tidak peduli
Tergilas dan segera berlalu
Bunga yang selalu hijau
Tak usang dimakan waktu
Hiasan dunia yang parau
Bunga asli
Bunga yang akan segera layu
Seakan waktu tidak peduli
Tergilas dan segera berlalu
Tapi, bunga asli
Adalah simbol janji
Yg ditiup oleh Sang Maha Abadi
Adalah simbol janji
Yg ditiup oleh Sang Maha Abadi
Saturday, 1 December 2012
Berlayarlah ke sebrang
Berlayarlah ke negri sebrang
Wahai sang penantang
Lepaskan takutmu yg membayang
Biarlah impimu membentang
Melewati gugusan tujuh bintang
dan menuju batas ambang
Kadang mereka bilang
'Jangan menyebrang!'
Untuk menghalaumu datang
Namun, jangan sekali engkau bimbang
Berlayarlah & teruslah menantang
Bersiaplah untuk berperang
Sambil terus menendang
Melawan ombak yg menghadang
Berlayarlah ke negri sebrang
Masa depan sedang berkumandang
Memberi jalan untuk terus berdendang;
'Aku tidak akan berang
Meski berjalan disimpang,
Karena aku ada dalam Terang
Makaku tetap tenang'
Berlayarlah ke negri sebrang
Masa depanmu sedang memandang
Meski jam terus berdentang
Jalanmu masih sangat panjang
Didedikasikan untuk sepupu Cahya Unggul Hartama yg berangkat berlayar. Enjoy the voyage and live your life to the fullest!
Wahai sang penantang
Lepaskan takutmu yg membayang
Biarlah impimu membentang
Melewati gugusan tujuh bintang
dan menuju batas ambang
Kadang mereka bilang
'Jangan menyebrang!'
Untuk menghalaumu datang
Namun, jangan sekali engkau bimbang
Berlayarlah & teruslah menantang
Bersiaplah untuk berperang
Sambil terus menendang
Melawan ombak yg menghadang
Berlayarlah ke negri sebrang
Masa depan sedang berkumandang
Memberi jalan untuk terus berdendang;
'Aku tidak akan berang
Meski berjalan disimpang,
Karena aku ada dalam Terang
Makaku tetap tenang'
Berlayarlah ke negri sebrang
Masa depanmu sedang memandang
Meski jam terus berdentang
Jalanmu masih sangat panjang
Didedikasikan untuk sepupu Cahya Unggul Hartama yg berangkat berlayar. Enjoy the voyage and live your life to the fullest!
Running to the hill
Things are well
though like been through hell
that I can't really tell
Oh, hell!
Another coming down as well
with the sound of a wheel
screeching on its steel
after every deal
on unbridled will
Now...
I am hiking the hill
to get some heal
though my heel
refuse to kneel
Tomorrow...
I work as hard as a mill
and to swim like a seal
because I have many things to fill
It's the bill
and meal
Until...
I can't stand still
or run out of skills
By the time...
I will be healed
from the enemy's will
who's trying hard to kill
with its heel on the wheel
No Judge
Thought I were the judge
I feel like a badge
In fact, it's my grudge
I only fudge
Thought I were the torch
In fact, I am not that such
Neither that much
I feel like a badge
In fact, it's my grudge
I only fudge
Thought I were the torch
In fact, I am not that such
Neither that much
Friday, 16 November 2012
Commercial Education
Devoting thoughts for customers' satifaction and embrace them with top quality of services will ultimately raise the bar, upper the standard of the game, if done consistently. We might never want to see what others do and keep worrying to get left a step behind because we are the trendsetter and always on the lead in each step of the way. This requires innovation and creativity instead of massive
lousy products or services. Innovation is also the right place for trial and errors. Consequently, it should be normal for 'on the lead' service providers to make mistakes and errors. If education is treated like a commodity, it must be viewed this way. It's not about being flawless or perfect, it's about being innovative, creative, and free of fear to do things differently.
Wednesday, 31 October 2012
Petualangan mistis di hutan Brownies
'Kok kaya perempuan!' komentar Mbak Kos yang bertugas mencuci perkakas kotor bekas masak.
Segera saya sahut, 'Saya pengen buka tempat makan, Mbak. Serius lho!' seraya mempertahankan muka serius.
Sering sudah saya gembar - gembor tentang rencana mendalami hobi ini. Mulai dari rencana les pastry sampai investasi beberapa peralatan masak.
Sejak dua hari terak
hir, saya terobsesi dengan Brownies. Kemarin adalah kali pertama saya membuat kue coklat bantat tersebut.
Untuk pemula, rasanya tidak buruk. Tapi, hanya saja api untuk memanggang terlalu besar. Jadi gosong.
Belajar dari hari sebelumnya. Hari ini, dengan bantuan teman kos apinya pemanggangan dibuat sekecil mungkin. Segalanya berjalan sesuai rencana, maka hasil panggangannya juga lebih baik.
Karena paranoid gosong, saya tidak menambah gula di adonan hari ini. Saya anggap Dark Chocolatenya sudah cukup manis seperti aromanya yang dilelehkan bersamaan dengan mentega.
Rasa memang tak pernah bohong. Memang tidak gosong. Hanya saja hati kurang kurang plong. Kurang enak. Kurang manis.
Sudah dua kali mencoba dan dua kali pula saya belum berhasil. Kita lihat minggu depan, bisakah saya menaklukan Brownies?
Segera saya sahut, 'Saya pengen buka tempat makan, Mbak. Serius lho!' seraya mempertahankan muka serius.
Sering sudah saya gembar - gembor tentang rencana mendalami hobi ini. Mulai dari rencana les pastry sampai investasi beberapa peralatan masak.
Sejak dua hari terak
hir, saya terobsesi dengan Brownies. Kemarin adalah kali pertama saya membuat kue coklat bantat tersebut.
Untuk pemula, rasanya tidak buruk. Tapi, hanya saja api untuk memanggang terlalu besar. Jadi gosong.
Belajar dari hari sebelumnya. Hari ini, dengan bantuan teman kos apinya pemanggangan dibuat sekecil mungkin. Segalanya berjalan sesuai rencana, maka hasil panggangannya juga lebih baik.
Karena paranoid gosong, saya tidak menambah gula di adonan hari ini. Saya anggap Dark Chocolatenya sudah cukup manis seperti aromanya yang dilelehkan bersamaan dengan mentega.
Rasa memang tak pernah bohong. Memang tidak gosong. Hanya saja hati kurang kurang plong. Kurang enak. Kurang manis.
Sudah dua kali mencoba dan dua kali pula saya belum berhasil. Kita lihat minggu depan, bisakah saya menaklukan Brownies?
Friday, 31 August 2012
About the time
Get the job well-done
Get ready for the final bow
Go, get through the final lines!
Climax is over
Resolution has begun
The curtain is about to be closed
Another play awaits in the next chapter
Because my call is far from over
Friday, 6 April 2012
Take it all, my dear
You can have it all
those in the deposit box
as you want
even if you don't need
have it all
take it all
don't mind
these,
my credit cards
remember the pin
it's 'love'
take it all
Don't look back
Trust me
Nothing left
have it all
take it all
that's fine
I am okay
I am alright
one thing I ask of you
leave me one thing
being alone with my future
Butterfly
I am a butterfly
Just got out of my pupa
Where I spent time growing myself to the max
Now, the new world seems challenging
Am new for them, them for me
Look at these! My wings!
Clear blue and white with a shade of black
They can get me to the high clear sky
Am really a butterfly.
Tuesday, 4 October 2011
Daily Teaching Journal #8
In my opinion, timing is a serious issue in teaching learning activity. It is always fun to have students at their best time, the prime time when they can engage to my lesson best. Their mood reaches its peak. Usually the first 6 period of the school hour is the time. Other than that, I would have sleepy and tired students who can respond to our teaching hardly. What about the agenda I have planned and arranged in mind? Materials to catch up? Should I use a whip to get them work harder meanwhile they seem to have run out of gas to run?
In my opinion, timing is a serious issue in teaching learning activity. It is always fun to have students at their best time, the prime time when they can engage to my lesson best. Their mood reaches its peak. Usually the first 6 period of the school hour is the time. Other than that, I would have sleepy and tired students who can respond to our teaching hardly. What about the agenda I have planned and arranged in mind? Materials to catch up? Should I use a whip to get them work harder meanwhile they seem to have run out of gas to run?
Friday, 23 September 2011
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